Inside Story
Weapons of Mass (Insert Pun Here)
Peter Horner, editor
horner@lionhrtpub.com
They say that puns are the lowest form of comedy; I disagree. I think whatever it was that Jerry Lewis used to do set the comedy bar so low, the world's shortest limbo dancer couldn't get underneath it.
Puns may not be comedy classics, but they have their place — in headlines, for example. Many of the best headlines ever written were well-spun puns. A day doesn't go by when the San Francisco Chronicle doesn't engage in a little word play. On July 15, the big news was hurricane Claudette smacking Galveston, Texas, with 80-mph winds. The Chronicle's headline: "Coast Buster."
As editor of OR/MS Today, I have penned my share of pun-intended headlines. A few that come to mind include "Road Scholars" (cover story on transportation scientists), "Crowe's Feat" (interview with successful CEO James Crowe of Level 3) and "Write Stuff" (article on recipient of INFORMS Expository Writing Award). Granted, we're not talking Pulitzer Prize-winning prose, and for all I know, they aren't even original, but you have to admit, they're good for a smirk if not a smile.
Which brings us to the working title for this month's special issue on OR/MS education trends: "Weapons of Mass Instruction." According to Stanford's Sam Savage, the phrase was coined by Robert Selman, a psychologist at Harvard University who happens to be Sam's brother-in-law. Sam borrowed the title for his contribution to this special issue (page 36).
I promptly shared the WMI line with Matthew Saltzman, an associate professor of mathematical sciences at Clemson University and a regular columnist for OR/MS Today. Matt said it reminded him of a joke that's been circulating on the Internet:
At the ATL airport, a person — later discovered to be a public school teacher — was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying "Weapons of Math Instruction."
Not to be outdone, Maureen Dowd recently wrote a humorous Op-Ed piece for the New York Times built around a fictitious memo between the Office of the Vice President and a foreign official known only as Prince (blacked out name) bin (blacked out name). All the names and locations in the letter are also blacked out. The letter concludes with "Dick" inviting the official to have dinner at Dick's "secret undisclosed location." "Here's the address," Dick writes, only the address, of course, is blacked out. The title of the column: "Weapons of Mass Redaction."
In the spirit of full disclosure, I should inform you that Matt Saltzman wanted the headline on his IOL column this month to read: "Insert Pun on 'Patently' Here." Matt has been exploring the issue of patents. In doing some research, Matt discovered that virtually every article ever written on the topic carries a lame pun like "Patently Ridiculous."
I talked him out of using the "Pun" headline ... and then stole it for my own column.
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